Another SHMUP. That's a Shoot'em up. I'll say it again, because no-one reads this blog anyway; a Shoot 'em up is what the original space invaders was. A little triangle shaped thing moving left to right at the bottom of the screen, and some slobbering fool stood in front of the arcade machine, mashing away at a single red button like his life depended on it. That was circa 1978, since that time not a lot has changed. A few more colours, the little triangle thing moves top to bottom, and indeed left-to-right but ultimately it's not all that different.
I mean, if it was my mum I was explaining things too, I doubt she would see any difference what so ever. She would probably moan about the music in Einhδnder mind you. The music is good.
Einhander, which means one handed in German, is nothing less than awesome. I admit, I have a habit of over selling, but with this one, you have to trust me: It's brilliant.
As is normally the case I had a good look around the web to make sure everyone disagrees with me and I was sorely disappointed, most people think this is pretty good too.
Shoot 'em ups are merely memory tests and reflex tests, does it really need a plot? Maybe a setting? Maybe? Reservations about the need for a plot aside, I did kind of like it. Earth verses Moon, end-of-the-world, blah, blah, blah. It is, in fairness, an epic cheesey-ness plot but it fits the game, it fits the mood, and it fits the graphics, so who cares?
The best thing about Einhander is that it comes with a "buzz". You blast your way through each level, pulverizing the Playstations X and O key, then just when you can't pulverize any more, the end-level boss appears demanding almost god like pulverizing. It's good stuff. It's engrossing and it doesn't cheat, far from it actually, it's hard, but it let's you think you can win.
It's one of those games where you are sort of faced with an end-of-level boss, and initially it's hardest thing in the world. It almost seems impossible to get past it. Then something clicks in your mind, and eventually you get past it, and for whatever reason, the next time you play you breeze past it again, with almost no effort. I like this. I don't know whether it's intentional or merely the way the human brain works, or just me, however, it's very rewarding. Each time you play Einhander you progress a little further, and that, in my book (or blog) is good.
The sense of exploration and the desire to see the next bit is driven not only by the game play, which I hope you understand is very addictive, but also by the beautiful graphics. A few of the bosses are really impressive, as are the 2.5D maneuvers the the graphics make from time-to-time, sweeping to a different aspects as your craft enters or leaves an area but the real gob-smackers are the levels themselves. Whether it's flying through a city, or chasing a train, or zooming just off of the surface of an underground lake, Square Soft have really gone to town on the imagery. It is awesome.
Some idiot magazine believed you could finish this game in an hour. Yeah. Right? No. No you can't. Not a hope in hell but then, obviously, they, the game mags, usually hand the responsibility of reviewing SHMUPS to the resident SHMUP expert, who no doubt spends considerable time in SHMUP world flopping his 'joystick' about, professing to all in sundry he can 1CC everything. I, being a mortal, have yet to finish Einhander after several hours of deliberate play.
Someone will bitch if I don't mention the mechanics. There are lots of guns. Lots of gun layouts. Each gun has a pro and con depending on whether it was install over or underhand on your spaceship. Yeah - guns.
The only thing letting Einhander down is it's second hand value which comparative to a lot of Playstation games is bloomin' expensive, and is only available in US and Japanese flavours. Fortunately, Sony, bless 'em, have put Einhander on PSN. In America. Ironic, when much of the games spoken word is in German. Which for those of you living in the US and Japan, is in Europe. You remember Europe? The place where the good quality cheese comes from!
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you'd be surprised, but the storyline in the game has some surprising depth. You just have to look around for it. There's some old dusty Gamefaqs thing on it that revealed some real interesting stuff on the Einhander universe.
But goddang yes, this was a fantastic game. I played this back in middle school until my eyes burned. For the record, if I ever become famous, I'll make a movie out of this I swear to Christ. Just so you know, this was that crazy guy who made that movie.